My Story

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight.

I spoke these words nearly every single night as a little girl. The first star I saw was always the most illuminated by the beautiful Moon. I was such a magical kid, always off in a daydream contemplating my existence. Always taking notice of my dreams at night and how they are related to reality. At a very young age, I knew I had an old soul. I started writing poetry to feel my feelings. My Mom has a hard Irish exterior, but is loving and generous on the inside. When she was in labor with me, my Pop-Pop dropped her at the hospital knowing it would be a long labor. It always broke my heart knowing she was left alone all day. Once I arrived, my grandparents and mother celebrated the beginning of Colleen and Erin. 

It was only my mom and I as our own little family. We did a bit of bouncing around, but mostly lived with my grandparents until I was eight years old. They loved me so much and the feeling was mutual. My PopPop was better than a father figure. My Grandmother and I spent a lot of precious time together; we connect on a whole other level. My life was wonderful, and I loved all the attention as an only child, however, I used to always wish for a place of our own. I wanted a space for just me and my mom (Grandmom had a lot of rules!). Night after night I wished on a star until eventually, we moved into our own home. Just the two of us! It was right across from my elementary school and beyond perfect, everything I wished for. 

Once we had settled in our condo, I needed a new wish. I recited my poem to the sky and started asking for a dad. I had never met my father as my parents split before I was born. I started to get curious around 2nd grade, so curious I even asked Santa for a father (I was manifesting!). Then one dark cold Christmas Eve night in 1992, on a New Moon, the phone rang. I picked up and heard my father’s voice for the first time. I was shocked my wish came true! I only saw him a handful of times; we never hit it off. I knew I deserved more from the men I surround myself with. I kept the faith.

I ended up with an amazing stepdad who I called respectfully by his surname, Raggi. I love him dearly; God rest his soul. He was all that I could have ever wished for in a dad and the perfect husband to my mom. All through my teen years I continued to wish on stars and my wishes kept coming true. I started following the Moon cycles more closely. Honoring the Full Moon to release negativity and ask forgiveness. Seeking the New Moon to give thanks and manifest dreams and make wishes.

 

I lived a very full life of unique experiences and wild adventures that took me around the country for work and play. I was always a free spirit. As I got older, I started to think about what I really want as an adult. I had a vision that was reminiscent of a 1950s sitcom with a tall, handsome, successful man that shared my dirty sense of humor and treated me like a princess. I’d serve him whiskey in a fancy glass, and he’d always kiss me on the lips. We’d get married and have as many babies as possible. I wanted the traditional family I never had. I wanted MY fairytale. At 21 years old I met Packy who ticked all the boxes. I fell over the moon in love with him.

Three years later we had our perfect rock ‘n roll wedding, dream honeymoon in Ireland, followed by welcoming three beautiful children to the world (Fiona, Hazel, and Patrick). We call them the Irish triplets! We even ended up living in the Virgin Islands!

I had everything I could have ever dreamed or wished for and more. My big issue was, I had slowly become addicted to vaping THC. I couldn’t stop.

Even though I should have been happy, my thirty-fifth year was rough, and I found myself in a deep depression. Death was on my mind. I lost five family members in a short amount of time - my closest cousin Jenny, my PopPop, two of my half-siblings from my biological father and my beloved brother-in-law. I felt empty with thoughts of my own mortality. I filled the void with vape cartridges topped by benzos drizzled with wine and focused on being strong for my family. I held it together, but I was mourning hard. I was so off. Everything probably looked perfect on the outside. On the inside, I was screaming for help.

After a summer of sin, on a Thursday I’ll never forget, I bargained with the Full Moon, August 15, 2019. I wanted forgiveness. I wasn’t proud of myself. I had everything I ever wanted, but still felt hurt and hollow.  I wanted to be set free from my demons. What am I trying to numb? Ultimately, I needed some kind of help to quit vaping and get off the benzos. Vaping was starting to own me. Was I inhaling the vape, or the vape me? I was embarrassed by it, embarrassed by myself. My cough was gross. My fun money spent. How did I end up like this? I pleaded with the Moon that night in a written letter:

“Dear Moon,

Please guide me. I don’t feel right, and something must change. I need to change. I need to do better with this beautiful life I’ve been blessed with. Please help me get back on the right track. I don’t know who I am anymore. Help me find my way out of the darkness without these addictions. Please forgive me for my weaknesses and give me strength to let go of the toxicity forever.”

Love, Erin”

Then I lit the note on fire under the Full Moon; this has been normal practice for me for the last 20 years.

Earlier that same day I walked out of the vape shop with my weekend cartridges, I didn’t realize that I’d never walk through those heavy doors again. I almost immediately started to feel ill. I puffed away and continuously got more sick through the weekend. I ended up in the ER on Monday with pneumonia-like symptoms. I was lethargic. My body ached. I couldn’t catch my breath. I knew something was wrong. I felt it. When the antibiotics for pneumonia didn’t work at all, I was diagnosed with acute respiratory distress syndrome. The pulmonologist asked Packy if I vaped; the doctor was familiar with my lung damage. Packy answered yes. I’ll always be ashamed that I put him in that position, all over vaping.

It only got worse. I flatlined six times. During that time, my soul was swept in between worlds, lingering in the middle of life and death. I was outside of myself. It was eerily peaceful. I was so present, but so confused because I wasn’t present to anyone else. I was there, but I wasn’t. I saw my kids playing in my mother-in-law’s kitchen and could hear them asking for me; it was a Tuesday. I watched my husband cry as my life was slipping away; a doctor named Maya consoled him. I saw one of my best friends Robyn, who is an ER Nurse, giving me CPR, relentlessly trying to save me. As my view of Robyn hovering over my lifeless body got smaller and smaller, my attention was taken away from real life. I was pulled to look up at the beautiful sky. A big ray of what looked like sunshine was trying to peak through clouds that suddenly morphed into the faces of my PopPop and stepdad, Raggi, “No! No! No! No! No!”

I fought not to follow the light and go to them. Even though they exuded a sense of comfort, they clearly didn’t want me to come to them. I felt a magnetic sensation deep down in the pit of my soul that I can’t explain, but I just kept fighting against it. It was as if I was in a dry ocean and the tide was pulling me and if I let myself drift, I knew there was no turning back from this spiritual sea. I was fighting a current. It was a transitional space, but it wasn’t my time to crossover. I was completely aware that I was choosing life. My soul was choosing to go back to Erin’s body and not with my angels.

As my family gathered around, soon after the Priest read my last rights, I was resuscitated for the last time and my soul returned to an extremely broken body.

I survived death.

 

“Dying is the easiest period in our lives for spiritual awareness, when we can sense our soul is connected to the eternity of time.”  -Michael Newton, PHD

Once stable enough, I was airlifted to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, Florida where I spent 2 months recovering from 8 surgeries. I was in a coma for almost three weeks and on ECMO to stay alive. All my organs were failing. Blood clots that formed in my lungs traveled down, causing both my legs to be amputated. One above the knee, one below the knee. I hated that they didn’t match; I always strive for balance.

It’s been the most traumatic experience of my life. Through it all, I have found a new sense of self that is less about how others see me, and more about how my soul would see me if it were outside of myself again. I have been put right back on the metaphysical path I was born on and of course, never vaped again and no longer depend on benzos. Everything that I was ever missing before that kept me down, has now been filled up with an endless appreciation that I GET to LIVE in THIS LIFE for longer. I wasn’t finished.

 

Thank you, Dear Moon. I have always been very blessed, I could see it before, now I can feel it to the depths of my heart.

With the loss of my legs in 2019, I’ve gained so much perspective in the way of strong relationships. I’ve been honored to be able to continue to build memories with my mother, husband, and children. I understand unconditional love and respect at a level that I never knew before. Most importantly, I’ve rediscovered my core values, values that were becoming blurred before I got sick. It’s been quite a healing journey; I’m finally confident enough in my spirituality to share my truth and my experiences with others.

As I look back on my life, the Moon plays a huge role in my journey. I honestly and wholeheartedly live by the Moon Every. Single. Day. My entire recovery, healing process from my amputations, and learning to walk on prosthetic legs, can be marked by a specific lunar phase that makes perfect sense.

All I can wonder is: why am I like this?

I’ve always had a sixth sense or a strong intuition. Once I started learning how to read Moonology Oracle cards a few years ago, I wasn’t surprised to hear and feel Spirit reaching out for me, sending me information. Since I opened myself up to receiving these messages, everything has started to make sense. I realize I was left on this Earth to not only be a supportive daughter, love my husband, and raise my children, but to be a friendly support to many. To help create positive vibrations through finding balance and harmony in everyday life. To offer healing energy with the help of the Moon as our guiding light. We are all worthy of our own halo, we are all Earth angels searching for peace.

So here I am living on a beautiful island with my dream family. My husband and I are owners of Leatherback Brewing Company which keeps the island quenched with delicious craft beer. Besides taking care of my family, and loving every second, I’m a Certified Moonologer, distinctively guided by my intuitive energy abilities. I enjoy writing, poetry, cooking dinner, candle making, the beach, red wine, rainy days, black coffee, crystals, deep conversations, flowers, fire, teatime, reality TV, exploring plant medicine, and fun sneakers to put on my fake feet. I’m very interested in my Irish Catholic heritage and relate to the old Celts way before my time. I would consider myself a Christian Mystic with a Shamanistic approach. You can find my family and I practicing fun Pagan rituals throughout the year or sporadically attending church if the mood strikes us. I love hosting Full Moon gatherings and bringing women together to join forces, we are stronger together! I’m currently working on writing my first book and hope to plan a New Moon Manifestation Workshop soon. 

Halo Healing is my safe space where I can share information about Moon Gatherings/Workshops and offer my Moonology Reading services. On my “Dear Moon” page I’m going to share about my life and what it’s like to be an amputee mom of three living in the Virgin Islands, using the lunation cycle as a guide to create my best life. If I can do it, so can you.

Welcome to Halo Healing!

I’m your hostess, Erin Joan